|UNA Site| |UNA Council of Relations| |UNA President and Cabinet| |UNA Army| |UNA Goals| |Watch the war!| |Froka's War Journal| |Samson's War Journal| |UNA Messageboard Some of you may be asking, what is the point of this? Why do we have to have such a strong army when none of the world even knows this nation even exists? The reason is because of one thing: John Stamos, aka Uncle Jesse from Full House!

Background: It seems after Full House ended, Mr. Stamos was living a productive life shipping cow manure back and forth between the United States and Austria, when one day, disaster struck! One of the manure bins opened right above John, dumping tons of cow turds all over him. He went into a coma for 20 years, and when he woke up, he thought the hit sitcom "Full House" was still under production. When he found out it had ended many years before, he was, to say the least, outraged. He called up all of the old cast to try to get the show back on. This is where our allies and the rest of our enemies came into play!
Allies
Bob Saget:When Stamos called him, Bob said no to the new Full House, due to the fact that he was very happy with the success of America's Funniest Home Videos, and that he just couldn't fit FH into his schedule. This outraged Stamos very badly, which made Bob fear for his life, which is when we came in. He called us asking for protection, and when we realized what he really meant after he sent back the 4,000 Trojan's we graciously gave to him, we offered Mr. Saget succor and shelter.

Jodie Sweetin:The story might make sense if all the daughters stayed, and "Danny Tanner" maybe had an unfortunate fatal accident like the mother. But what happens when "Danny" AND "Stephanie" aren't there? When John called Jodie, she said, "F*ck off, you asshole! I hate you and I wish you never worked with me!" This obviously didn't bode well with Stamos, so just like Saget, we got our condoms back and gave Jodie protection.

Dylan and Blake Tuomy-Wilhoit:That's right, even the children who played Stamoes's kids wouldn't do it. Blake says, "He was a raging animal. He came to our house and started pushing us when we said no. Dylan kicked him in the nuts and threw him out, thank God. John is a real nut job."
Scott Weigner:Who really cares?
Dave Coulier:Perhaps our biggest supporter in this war, he did actually agree to be on the new show, secretly spying for the UNA. When he was discovered holding hands and walking along the beach with Secerary of War, Binzathon Warchester, he was immediately discovered as two things: 1.That he was a spy for the UNA, and 2.That he is a sick pedophile.
Enemies:

John Stamos:An evil evil son of a bitch that needs to be brought down. We will destroy you, Stamos, and you can COUNT on that!

Ozzy Ozbourne:The new "Danny Tanner," Ozzy was getting high off of pot when Stamos offered him the job.

Christina Aguilera:While out clubbing, but secretly trying to get new Full House recruits, Stamos spotted Aguilera getting "dirty" on the dance floor. After slipping her date rape drug, he made her sign a paper agreeing to be the new Stephanie. If this hellish idea of a show ever does get on television, we are sure people are going to be at least saying, "Wow, Stephanie sure has grown up!"

Rosanne Arnold:Stamos was in Subway when he noticed that if Roseanne lost about 900 pounds and got a face lift, she'd almost look like Dave Coulier's mom, so she is the new "Joey Gladstone." What does she work for? Subways, of course!
Other enemies include:
Candace Cameron-Bure
Lori Loughlin
Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen
Andrea Barber
To our allies: Thank you for staying with us, and for our enemies: You're all going to burn!