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GEORGE BUSH HOLDS VICE PRESIDENT YOSEMITE SAM HOSTAGE!


In a stunning display of anger and rage, George Bush recently took UNA Vice President Yosemite Sam hostage for a stunning 48 hours at a local Muslim Temple some place near Salt Lake City, Utah. As they were having a press conference announcing a new policy plan on International Pornography Trades between the United States and UNA, Bush completely went into a fit.

"WHAT DID THE F*CKING RABBIT EVER DO TO YOU!?" the erratic Bush screamed into the mounds of microphones set in front of him. "WHY DO YOU HATE HIM SO MUCH, YOU SON OF A B*TCH!? TELL ME!"

When Sam couldn't come up with a cogent excuse, Bush then pointed a 9 millimeter semi-automatic pistol at helpless Yosemite screaming, "I KNOW BUGS BUNNY! HE'S A GOOD RABBIT! WHY WOULD YOU BE SO CRUEL!? HOW DO YOU FEEL WITH A F*CKING GUN IN YOUR FACE!?", making Sam burst into streams of tears.

Finally, after a shocking 48 hour display of Bush making Sam dress up in random feminine dresses and facial products, the tumultuous hostage situation was put to rest by our country's version of the Swat team, with minor help from everyone's favorite neighborhood web slinger, Spider Man.

"First he'd make me squat down in my panties, and his arm would start moving very fast, and I heard a noise such as a giant piece of salami being slapped up and down on a piece of concrete. Then he'd tell me to stand up and not move so fast, and the noise would stop and his arm would slow down," says victim Yosemite Sam. Sam continues:

"He would say, 'Yeeeeaah, that's right, just like those Hanson kids! YOU LITTLE B*TCH! YES! AHHH, GOD! MMMM BOP! DOOBIE DOB AY!' But no matter what he did, I wouldn't cry. He couldn't take my pride away from me; I'm Yosemite Sam, after all!"

When asked for comment, UNA's # 1 Lt. Boberino Froka had these words to say: "You know, I knew Bush was an idiot, and maybe even a little psychotic. But NEVER would I ever think he would do something so sickening. Yosemite is a good guy, and just because he had a rocky past with Bugs doesn't mean that he isn't a good guy now. Bush wants to talk about past mistakes, why don't we talk about D.U.I. CONVICTIONS, OR COCAINE POSSESSION? SEPTEMBER 11TH AND NOT ACTING ON IT! CHILD ABDUCTION, FAILURE TO DRIVE A HOVER CRAFT WITHOUT A PROPER HOVER CRAFT LICENSE, SLEEPING WITH MY MOTHER ON A BOARD OF HOT GLUE, WHICH HAS NOW PERMANENTLY FUSED HER TO HIS SIDE, WHICH IS WHY HE ALWAYS SLOUCHES TO THE RIGHT! I could go on and on. But the fact is, General Nickishi Samson and I are working hard on UNA security to make sure this never can happen again!".

It is indeed shocking that George Bush would do this. I mean, just a couple years ago the nation laughed at him for almost dying from choking on a pretzel......Maybe that's just it, though. Maybe it's from all the years of laughter that Bush has just finally snapped, just like those kids from Columbine. So with that idea in mind, I would like to just leave this advice: Watch your ass, America, 'cause we ain't gonna scratch it for you anymore!