|UNA Site| |UNA Council of Relations| |UNA President and Cabinet| |UNA Army| |UNA Goals| |Watch the war!| |Froka's War Journal| |Samson's War Journal| |UNA Messageboard| UNA's # 1 Lt. Boberino Froka's War Journal Entry for July 12th, 2006 at 12:44 P.m:

Well, well, well, another year, another inch added to the crotch of my pants, and another war journal update! FIRST off, I must fully address the people in the South Eastern corner of our country that are without food, water, electricity and have been on our news station, "F*ck John Stamos Channel 44", complaining about your current hard ships: QUIT YOUR B*TCHING! HONESTLY, I'm in Florida right now, about to lay on the beach for 3 hours, which could very well give me a minor case of sun burn, risking my very life for you by having to take my private jet down here during a rain storm, and you're complaining about a little bit of famine and raw sewage being on the streets--the nerve of some people! You people honestly don't know what hard is until you have to watch General Samson drink four bottles of Vodka and then go to a sausage eating contest to maintain our reputation as the best at everything. He threw up....ok....you're complaining about your children dying in the streets, and he's THROWING UP, DRINKING and EATING and going to huge PARTIES to maintain our status as the funnest continent on the planet! So quit b*tching and go hit some pinatas; THAT is the UNA way!

I would like to go into in depth detail of the horrors we've faced over the past year during war time and battle, if I may. Last November, we got the call.......that's right, THE call. President Clinton himself called Samson, Binzathon, and myself into the square office for an online video conference between us....and the evil serpent of hair products himself....John Stamos! As the call got under way, we noticed that Stamos looked very fatigued and dirty. He spoke in an obscure language that is very hard to decode: 1995. Nonetheless, we were able to understand the main parts of his message. Something about Samson's thong collection, my tool set that is at my mother, Ethel Froka's, house in New Guinea, and Binzathon's penial disfunctions. Stamos was backed by the Olsen Twins and Laurie Loughlin, who seemed a little distressed(it couldn't have been those scratch and sniff Syphylis panties we sent her, could it?...hehehe) They declared that they would not stop this war until either Full House is back on the air, or Binzathon showed them his small penis on camera. As Binzathon casually started to pull his pants down, we immediately stopped him and tossed him out of the window into a pile of old taco shells and Buffalo feces(we were in Quebec, Canada). We told them, as we are telling the rest of you, there are NO negotiations in this. Any man that can replace Dave Coulier with Roseane Barr is obviously insane, as the correct choice for Joey would indeed be Keanu Reeves or the gorilla that played in the hit movie, "Congo". I'm not scared of you, Stamos, and oh let Mary Kate have this little message......MY TESTS CAME BACK NEGATIVE, SO IN YO FACE, BYATCH!

I am fatigued as I type, as I have had problems with my body motor structure lately....I won't say anymore, but if you are at a gas station restroom, please for the love of god put the paper seat covers around the seat if you are going to poop......or if you have a vagina, which would be associated with most females, to urinate.
I love all of you, and please, pray for my butt cheeks!

Lt. Boberno Froka


UNA's # 1 Lt. Boberino Froka's War Journal Entry for July 28th, 2005 at 8:30 P.m:

WELL, we've been busy little boys and girls since last updated in mid 2003. As our beloved General has said, the battle of Armageddon could literally be defined as the closest thing to being "Hell on Earth." When I got there, thousands of dead Howies spread as far as the eye could see. Although my butt still hurt from previous ventures by the underpaid Mexicans, I still had the urge to go and fight for my cuntry........no I didn't forget the O in "cuntry," either.

In other related news, I have learned that I have staph infection in my left leg, possibly meaning I will either: A.Have my leg amputated, or B.Going to have to get circumcised. This is a very hard time for me, ladies and crackaz of the U.N.A., so please send me letters and cards and possible nude photos....I will be wet and waiting!

Holy sh*t, I have to mention the fact once again that Samson almost had his left nut cut off in a nearly fatal battle with a very sneaky and slutty Howie Robot. Although it did seem kind of humorous....and possibly arousing, I just must say that I hope the Gen gets better soon....So god's speed to a quick and full recovery.....to his nut...*giggles to himself like a school girl*.

Welp, I guess that aboot wraps it up. If everyone could please hold a moment of silence for our brave souls that have passed in this war of all wars, I would greatly appreciate it. While the Ducks in the Blue Raincoats prevailed in Armageddon, Samson failed to mention the Sticky Duct Taped Water Buffalo that unfortunately did not survive in the War of 1812 almost 4 weeks ago. It seems that as they approached the almost 10,000 remote controlled Lori Loughlin nipple clones, they all of a sudden decided that they were buddhist and did not believe in war. This did not go well as thousands and thousands of nipples leached onto their bodies, sucking them dry....much like Samson's mother did to me the other night. That's right, I'm back with her, deal with it!

GUTEN TAG FROM THE U.N.A'S NUMBER ONE LT, BOBERINO FROKA!

UNA's #1 Lt. Boberino Froka's War Journal Entry for August 30th, 2003 at 4:03 A.m.:

Wow, the war really has taken a toll on us. The General has already gotten syphilis 3 times because of all the raping he does in those poor nations we fight in. I, on the other hand always go to my number one lady, Cheryl, when I'm in need of some good lovin'. Sure she has more STD's than all the girls the Gen has had combined, but at least I know who they belong to.

As I write this, I am near Pittsburgh, Pa in the Unites States; far away from my homeland. I'm a little homesick, but I know that Bill(Clinton) is counting on me to help my country and let's not forget continent in this war of all wars. I must tell you the drugs we have experimented with have been great, except for the one when I woke up lying in donut batter, naked with Warchester(Binzathon)!

I have seen many of my comrades die. Some you may know, like that brave soul Mickey Mouse. Although it wasn't TECHNICALLY in battle, that chicken bone was in his throat during the war, so that counts! General hasn't made the slightest advancement in my interests to make out all the time. Understand that I am not gay; far from it, but it is just something I want to try once. The Gen just doesn't understand what it's like being my age and wondering, "Will he ever kiss me? Does he love me?" and such questions as that.

OH CRAP! Well I gotta go, got some Stamosians on our asses. Peace(well, not really)!
Lt. Boberino Froka